Sunday, May 21, 2023

Barbershop

Short Answer: another spin-off-- Record Shop

Barbershop is one of the precious few comedies that spawned a trilogy. It also had a spinoff in Beauty Shop. That one also did very well and deserves a sequel.

But consider that while Barbershop's sequel landed two years later to capitalize off of the first one's popularity.... and the third landed more than ten years after that to capitalize on the nostalgia of the first two.... but that we haven't seen anything since. Now it's 2023, and it seems clear that the story is done and there is no more to say-- which is fine; no story has to go on forever.

Which is why my suggestion is to start over with the same idea, look, and feel, but another kind of business: a record store.

The story would be set at the time when CDs were taking over, and even streaming was on its way in, and records seemed to be consigned to the museums along with the butter churns and buggy whips.

Except DJs discovered LPs and how to use them to make hip-hop, saving the vinyl industry, which is-- as of this writing-- once again bigger than CDs. 

The plot could revolve around a declining shop, fiercely held onto by a proprietor who is steeped in the love and knowledge of old-school soul, funk, R&B, blues, and jazz. He has no respect for newer sounds like disco, finding them diluted versions of his favorite music. 

Then some younger people discover the store, perhaps ducking in just to get out of a sudden downpour. They start rummaging through the racks, laughing and carrying on. He assumes they are being disrespectful. Then one asks he if he has an obscure James Brown record. 

His entire demeanor changes-- they were not being disrespectful, but exuberant and excited. They pump him for knowledge and find him to be a walking encyclopedia of music information. Word gets around quickly, and the shop flourishes anew. 

Then disaster strikes once again-- He is invited to a block party by the young customers, and learns what they are doing with the records they bought in his shop. They are scratching them on turntables, rapping over the lyrics, and turning them into whole new songs! 

Outraged, he throws a giant conniption, massively disrupting the street fair. He is so incensed at the disrespect he perceives that he tears up and loses his voice.

He runs to his shop and locks himself inside. After he calms down, he washes his face and makes a sign for the door of his shop: "Adults only! No one under 21 admitted! This music is for grown-ups."

Once again, the shop declines. Then some older hip-hop artists come in and are also excited by his huge collection and deep knowledge. Only these people are also very knowledgeable and respectful.

He begins to understand that whole generation never learned how to make their own music-- to know music theory or skills-- so they rely on, and use, the musical sounds of his own generation. 

This gives him an idea. We see him clear out an extra storage room, and he takes down his grouchy sign to put up another one: "Free music studio available for practice and lessons."

The room is simply arrayed. Some tables, chairs, and music stands, a chalkboard, an upright piano, and a record player.

Now, a different group starts to come around-- musicians, mostly from his generation, along with many younger people. The shop is alive with live music. Every once in a while a teacher pops his head out and borrows a record to play for a student, to illustrate a point or style to him. 

Eventually, the shop owner brings in some recording equipment, thinking students will be able to record themselves for study, and the teachers can record tapes to take home to study with. The teachers and students bring in more equipment...

...and we fast forward a year. He has bought the storefront next door, to make a full-on music school and recording studio. 

The hip-hop artists find the music studio, and every element becomes symbiotic with the others. The studio uses the teachers and students from the school, and records from the store. The store sells records, instruments, and equipment to the school and the studio. And the students from the school work at the studio and store. 

But where is our store owner? Retired? No, he is across the street. He turned an old and rundown movie house into a concert venue. Any night of the week, live music from both local and national acts comes pouring out: Soul, R&B, funk, blues, jazz...

...and even hip-hop. And they are still using the records they got from his shop.

"These kids, they were just doing the same thing we did-- taking old music and making it new," he realized. "Heck, my grandpa said the same thing about my music that I said about hip-hop. He was wrong, and so was I."

There could even be flashbacks. He only opened a store because he was in a band and then injured his hand. He was a trumpeter, but they were on tour and the car broke down. He tried to fix it with the only tools they had, but they were the wrong ones, and his hand paid the price. He wanted to at least be around music, if he couldn't play it.

Sunday, May 14, 2023

Pink Panther

Short Answer: Reboot the cartoon instead

The Pink Panther movies are not about a panther that is pink. The first was about a gemstone called The Pink Panther, which was stolen by a master cat burglar, who was then pursued by an incompetent detective-- the actual main character-- who solves his cases despite his bumbling

From this premise came a series totaling nine movies, mostly in the 1960s and '70s. The last one of the original series was a spin-off made in the 1990s. Then they started all over again with two movies in the 2000s.... and stopped.

I honestly don't know if a bumbling slapstick detective is something that would resonate today. Maybe if they weren't specifically French?

Luckily, there is alternative.

The opening title sequences of the movies leaned into the literal meaning of a pink panther; they were animated and showed a cartoon panther, that was pink, being pursued by a cartoon detective.

This animated panther, amazingly, proved so appealing that it leapt from that context to star in several of his own cartoon shows-- in the '60s, '80s, '90s, and 2010. (He also featured in ads for fiberglass insulation... because that stuff happened to be pink, also.)

In any case, the character is an enduring one. In his original form, he does not speak. This lack of verbosity, ironically, makes him potentially internationally accepted. Like Charlie Chaplin's Little Tramp character, he often must face frustrations with cleverness and tenacity. Also, he does not always win, which makes him very relatable. 

With all the nostalgia afloat today, especially in the areas of children's fare and animation, The Pink Panther seems ripe for a new series. The scenarios from previous shows might even be recycled and updated. 

The Panther was, like many others, part of a "family" of other characters from the same studio. Along the lines of Tom & Jerry and the Coyote & Road Runner was "The Ant and the Aardwark," in which the prey likewise always outwitted the predator and turned his own contrivances and contraptions against him. I would not mind seeing a return of those sarcastic characters, either.  



Sunday, May 7, 2023

Oh, God

Short Answer: remake original with today's stars

Yes, this movie has a trilogy. But both of the original stars-- John Denver and George Burns-- have passed on.

Still, the idea of God choosing a seemingly random person as God's messenger on Earth is still intriguing. How would God convince people today, in the age of the Internet and social media-- not to mention fake news and AI fakery-- that God is real? 

The original came out in 1977. Even that late in human history, the idea of God being portrayed by anyone other than an old, white (OK, Jewish in Burns' case) man would not have been accepted by the general public.

But as we have seen, Morgan Freeman has played God to great acclaim. And in the show Joan of Arcadia, God uses anyone handy to talk to Joan.

For our movie, it would probably be best to have God played by one person. I was thinking Joe Pesci, but yes, now that a Black man has been God in a movie we have to look at Black women who can pull off "venerable": Viola Davis, Oprah Winfrey, Angela Bassett, Whoopi Goldberg, Patti LaBelle...

And then I was thinking for our "everyperson" role, Awkwafina. She has great comedic timing, is both a "person of color" and insanely relatable. After having her own show and appearing in movies, she is ready to go front and center on the big screen.

Now we just need to get Albert Brooks, who already made a movie about Heaven, to direct and co-write...



Ghostbusters

Short Answer... You got me. See, the movie that rebooted the series. subtitled Afterlife, came out in 2021. So I have had the time to see it...