Ghostbusters

Short Answer... You got me.

See, the movie that rebooted the series. subtitled Afterlife, came out in 2021.

So I have had the time to see it. I just haven't had the opportunity.

It's not on a streaming service I have, and I have a half-dozen of them. And I am not going to get another just to see one movie. 

Nor am I going to pay $15.00 to see a two-year-old movie in my house, when I would not have had to pay that much to see it in the theater as God intended. 

Plus, I can't even rent it. I can only buy it. I could see spending $5 to rent it, just to see it, 

I mean, I could just read the plot synopsis. But I want to, get this, actaully SEE the movie.

I like this series. I am of the age that I saw all of them, including the original-- and even the female-Ghostbuster one-- in the theater. 

OK, I never saw the TV animation. But it was pitched at little kids, which I no longer was (or had) when it was out. 

And now they have announced a sequel to Afterlife. Which, on principle, I refuse to see until I see Afterlife itself. Maybe when the sequel drops, they will make Afterlife easier to see, so people can get caught up. But probably not.

I did not intend for Ghostbusters to be the last entry in this blog, but here we are. I was going to do it before all the "not really a trilogy" series like the Garry Marshall Holiday movies and the Corneto series. I was going to do it before the "not a trilogy yet" series like Greek Wedding that only have two installments so far. 

I checked back every week to see if it had come available on a streamer I had, or for rent, or something. But no. 

Maybe I will look around at DVD stores to see if they have it. (I am also, shockingly, of the age of having a working DVD player.) If they do, I may post my Ghostbusters entry yet.

Jump Street

Short answer: Undercover as teachers

In 21 Jump Street, the main characters are cops who go undercover as high school students. In the sequel, they go undercover as college students.

By now, they would be much older... and have to go undercover as teachers. Jonah Hill is pushing 40, and Channing Tatum is 43. 

Well, they did high school and college in parts 1 and 2, and Arnold did the cop-undercover-in-kindergarten thing in, um, Kindgergarten Cop. And School of Rock, though not about a cop, was about 5th graders.

What's left? Middle school.

They have have taken down drug dealers, these two hardened cops must now face someone even tougher: 7th and 8th graders. Yes-- 12, 13, and 14-year-olds.

Good luck, guys. 

They went after drug dealers twice, and I don't think you can get comedy out of tweens doing drugs-- it's just too terrifying. But they could be trying to break up a ring of people selling vapes to kids that, unknown to the sellers, are designed to be ultra-addictive. 

Another thing kids to is buy the answers to tests. That in and of itself would not be enough to warrant a police investigation. Unless the answer sheets were being used to transmit a code for plans for, say, a break-in. 

What could a school have that was worth stealing? Let's see-- computers, tech from the robot lab, chemicals from the chem lab, the answer code for that year's SATs. Or it could be some McGuffin hidden in a cup-shaped sports trophy.

It could also be a college-admissions scam like the ones we have seen in the news. 

By the way, the assistant principal did it, and tried to frame the principal along the way. 

Greek Wedding

Short Answer; Paris' wedding.

In the first movie, Toula gets married at a Big Fat Greek Wedding. In the sequel, hr parents get remarried at a Big Fat Greek Wedding.

Now, they are making a third. In the other two movies, we meet Toula's daughter Paris. By the end of the second, she has started to date and gone to college.

So what has to happen in the third movie is Paris' Big Fat Greek Wedding.

The movie has actually been announced, and the plot is said to be a family reunion in Greece after the death of Toula's father (the actor who played him has, sadly, passed away), and to feature another wedding.

We can only presume it will be Paris' wedding. I am writing this in late July 2023, and the movie has already been filmed (although delayed by the COVID-19 pandemic) and set to be released in September this year.

We shall soon see if my prediction comes true.

Cornetto

Short Answer: Road movie

This series is only barely one. Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, and World's End share no characters or plotlines, only a production team and a sense of humor. Yet, here we are.

They, respectively, parody zombie movies, buddy-cop movies, and sci-fi movies. So the logical thing is to keep going until they work through all the major genres.

So far, they have taken place in the present. So they could go for spy, superhero, kaiju, prison, road, or Die Hard-style movies (which have become their own subgenre. All of these are ripe for the type of knowing winks and physical violence that mark the Cornetto series, named for a British ice cream brand that appears in all the movies.

OK, so they share a production team, a sense of humor and... Good Humor. Or is that "Humour."

In any case, the necessity of including ice cream rules out some of the other action movie types they could skewer, like fantasy, Western, and war movies. 

I guess there could be ice cream in a war movie. Ice cream has been around almost as long as war, and this brand has been around since 1959. So that gives us all the wars since then to work with. Yay..?

Kaiju and superhero movies must be pricey with those special effects. Plus superhero parodies abound. Making fun of prisons is probably not cool anymore. 

Which narrows it to spy, road, and Die Hard. Again, there are as many Bond parodies as there are Bond movies. And the days of school and mass shootings make a Die Hard situation less funny.

So a road movie it is:

A guy has to move across England. He talks his friend into going with him and helping him unload and unpack at the far end: "I'll pay for the flight back."

He says they'll make it fun. They will stop in cool towns to sightsee and party. It'll be one last glorious road trip. The friend agrees.

Cue the Cornetto sense of humor and... action! References! Fights! Explosions! Gore! More references! etc. etc. 

They finally make it to the new place, with very little of his possessions intact, only to find more... plot to deal with. The promised roommate (or just mate) taps out, so the friend-- who wasn't doing anything anyway-- decides to stay as be the roommate. 

G. Marshall "Holiday" series

Short Answer: Father's Day

Only three things tie these movies together: they are set on holidays, they have intersecting rom-com storylines, and they have an embarrassment of A-list stars. 

Oh, and one more: They were all directed by Grary Marshall, a comedy legend best known for the sitcom Happy Days and its spin-offs, Laverne & Shirley and Mork & Mindy. For those of you who did not endure the '80s, that last one launched Robin Williams. 

His movies Valentine's Day, New Year's Eve, and Mother's Day are considered to form a trilogy, or at least a "trilogy."

Even though Marshall passed away in 2016, his formula could still work. So, which holiday next?

There are a billion Christmas movies, so having that holiday as the next one is out. Thanksgiving doesn't have many movies-- can you think of more than a handful?-- so it is a strong contender, even though there are umpteen TV episodes set on that day. 

Memorial Day and Veterans Day are hardly a setting for romantic comedies, and a Labor Day rom-com would be set in the world of... trade unions?

It would be hard to brand a movie Independence Day after the sci-fi blockbuster stamped that holiday as its own.

Which leaves Father's Day. Yes, there are movies about fathers aplenty, but this is a rom com, and how many of those about dads are there since... golly gee, the Courtship of Eddie's Father? 

Generally, the movies have four main plotlines that intersect so here are four for you:

1) A middle-age dad starting to date again, post-divorce, and its effect on his two kids, a 12-year-old and 15-year-old girl.

2) A granddad starting to date again, after the loss of his wife, and the effects of that on his grown sons, one who accepts it and one who cannot.

3) A couple with a teen girl who is just starting to date altogether. His mom accepts it... and her dad is freaking out.

4) A single mom trying to date again after a divorce, and having to keep in mind that she is not just looking for a husband for herself, but a dad for her kid.

The dad in 1 ends up with the mom in 4. The teen in 3 ends up getting inspired more by the granddad in 2, whom he takes cello lessons from. than his own dad; he dates the daughter in 1. 

Everything comes together at this major Father's Day picnic at the climax. There are old-fashioned games like a hoop-and-stick race, a sack race, and a "three-legged" race. 

Best Man

Short Answer: Couples-therapy retreat

The problem with writing any such blog today is that, while I was busy suggesting the next installment for several of these franchises... the next installment of the franchise was released!

Such is the case here. The first movie came out in 1999. A Christmas-themed sequel came out in 2013, showing that the story had long-time fans. And a 10-part miniseries was released in 2022. Since it was subtitled "The Final Chapters," it would seem that the franchise is all tied up, with nothing more to say.

Now, when I started writing these, the show had not yet been announced-- so I came up with an idea for part 3. Since it's my blog, I might as well share it.

The first movie takes place at a wedding weekend. The second takes place at Christmas. I thought it would be fun to have the third and final episode at the opposite of snowy Vermont-- at a retreat that everyone thinks is going to be fun-in-the-sun! 

But when they get there, they find it is actually a couples therapy retreat! We can have some of the therapists be cameos like Keegan Michael Key and Tiffany Haddish. 

At first they are of course mad at the friend who planned it, for duping them. But then they say, "Well, as long as we are stuck here, I do have some things to say to some people, and some things to get off my chest." 

And then over the course of several therapy sessions-- between couples, pairs of friends, pairs of exes, and the whole group-- everyone finally sees everyone else's side to all that has happened. Some people admit ignorance, some admit fault, and fences and friendships are mended. Some couples part but with understanding and respect, and some old flames are rekindled.

All of this is set in a gorgeous tropical paradise. Between sessions, there are more sweet and funny conversations. 

Also some slapstick moments, as the cast tries various watery sports like surfing, windsurfing, paddle-boarding, parasailing, water skiing, and wakeboarding (which someone keeps calling "waterboarding"). 

At one point someone is covered in suntan lotion, then covered in sand that sticks to the lotion. At first they are horrified. Then after they wash it all off, they say: "My skin is so smooth and exfoliated! I just discovered the ultimate skin treatment!" In a post-credit scene, we see them presenting the product based on the idea on "Shark Tank."

Anyway, that would have been how I wrapped up the series. But if someone just wants to make this as a stand-alone movie with an all-star cast, I will not complain.

 

Riddick

Short Answer: What was his crime?

For all of Riddick's amazing survival skills. we never really learn why he was on the prison ship in the first movie. 

Most fugitives, like the one in The Fugitive, try to clear their name so they can stop running. Riddick, for all his insane survival skills, never really seems interested in... doing that.

So did he really commit his crime? Have we really been cheering for a criminal this whole time? Maybe in Part 4, we get to see what happened to land him in jail to begin with, and we see him confront his accuser and clear him name.